I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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