Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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