I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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