Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
is it fun? or sober?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
