i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
