last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
