I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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