I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
