kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
