We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
