There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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