remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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