i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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