for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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