You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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