you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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