it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
