Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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