Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
