she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
