last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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