Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
zippers are such a cool invention
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize