my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
