walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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