If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize