??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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