so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
