im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
