It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Four minutes until I can fart!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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