Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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