Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
