i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
