a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
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The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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