I accidentally burped into my bong.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Let's get the cat blown out
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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