Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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