i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
