i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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