i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
