She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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