We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
