You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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