Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
