Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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