He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
