Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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