well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
