Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
