The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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