I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
