If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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