Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Success! We fucked roommates!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
