He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
