We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize