Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't deserve a penis
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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