Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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