He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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