We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
