i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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