Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
