I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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