I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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