I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
